Every morning, I wake up and give myself a quick morning assessment or, as my husband says, “I take my emotional temperature”. I write one or two sentences describing how I feel. I don’t think too deeply about it, sometimes I close my eyes and sit for a second before writing, so I just don’t jot something down. I strive to be authentic. I usually start with, “I feel…” Today I silently sat for a second trying to grasp how I feel. Nothing profound or deep came, not even a specific feeling, I was not able to go any further than, “I feel”. And then it dawned on me, the fact that I feel, is amazing.

I constantly remind myself, and others, that our feelings do not need to define us. I personally think sometimes we are so afraid of our feelings, so afraid to not be controlled by them, that we work hard to ignore them. As I think about the fact that I feel anything is a miracle, I realize that prior to becoming a christian, my feelings were numb and frozen. I allowed myself to feel with a handful of people and that is only because I felt I could trust them. 

As God taught me to be more in touch with my feelings, it was a very painful process. I felt as if my insides were melting. As I think about the process of transformation God had me go through in order to begin to allow myself to feel, I think of the Parable of the Weeds in Matthew 13:24-30. The servant was concerned about the fact that weeds were growing among the good seeds he had planted. The servant seemed surprised that it had happened, but the Master knew it was the enemy. So when the servant asked if he should pull them out, this is what the Master said: 

“No,’ he answered, ‘because while you are pulling the weeds, you may uproot the wheat with them. Let both grow together until the harvest. At that time I will tell the harvesters: First collect the weeds and tie them in bundles to be burned; then gather the wheat and bring it into my barn.’” Matthew 13: 29-30

The answer: “Let them both grow until harvest.”

As I gave myself permission to trust God’s, the melting process began. All my feelings both grew, the ones that made me leap for joy and the ones that led me to either cry in pain or be disgusted at myself. It was overwhelming. I was surprised to see there were so many painful feelings that were hurting me and those around me. 

Eventually harvest time did come, and God miraculously separated those feelings and taught me to enjoy the positive feelings and burn the negative ones. Some negative feelings are so hard to burn that I have to let them be, holding to Ephesians 4:26-27, that says, “In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold”. Until I can take the time to ask God to help me burn those negative feelings, I chose to keep moving in righteousness. 

Today, I am grateful I can feel it. I am grateful that God taught me to allow all my feelings to grow and trust that he will harvest in time. 

It’s true, my feelings do not define me, God does, and for that I am grateful for all my feelings, each one points me to Jesus. 

So this morning, “I feel” and that is more than I ever asked or imagined.

“What is impossible for people is possible with God.” Luke 18:27 NLT.