Writing October 2021.

We are getting new windows in the house. Before I went to bed I prepared for a full day and planned what I needed to do before the workers arrived in order to welcome them and help with whatever they needed from me to do their work. Some of the things I needed to do included, prepping the dog for daycare so my hubby could drop him off on his way to travel, have my morning practice, workout, prepare a space for sessions with my clients because the work on the house interfered with my regular meeting area, move the furniture six feet apart from the window (we didn’t remember that was something that needed to be done until the morning). 

I planned to sleep soundly, wake up in the morning refreshed to tackle the day. Let’s start with this, I slept poorly due to the unplanned night in sweat that reminds me I am premenopausal. Not sure if I am at the beginning or at the end. Either way is not pleasant. When my alarmed went off because I set it to get up early I was not happy. Although I did not want to get out of bed, I was reminded that I had in the fridge some leftover black coffee from my favorite coffee shop from the day before. Resolved and grumpy (yes we can have two feelings at the same time. I learned that in therapy) I got out of bed, took care of the dog, asked my husband if there was anything I could do to help before he left to which he replied: “ I am good.” I warmed my cup of coffee and walked to my room to have my time with God which I was ready to have since I woke up but I had not started yet. As my husband was walking out to take Peace and return back home to meet the Uber scheduled to take him to the airport he said: “hey honey can you make me a sandwich?.” Immediately this thought entered my mind, “I don’t have time for detours this morning”, but then I remembered I did ask him earlier how I could help him. I thought he would know that the offer expired in 5 minutes!

I struggled internally to go make a sandwich. I asked, “what kind of sandwich?” he said, “any kind. I was already feeling overwhelmed and the day had not started yet. All I wanted to do was sit with Jesus. A quick peanut butter and jelly sounded like a nice compromise for the inconvenient request but then I remember that he is trying to increase his protein intake and he enjoys my egg sandwich. Not with the best heart I made an egg sandwich knowing this would encourage him and, it did. 

Finally my time with God. To center myself I grabbed a prayer from the box. This is what it said:

“Father thanks for listening to me, it feels so good to know you are right here by our side, looking out for us. Please help us to give our hearts to the church here quickly, and help me to constantly remember that I cannot put the kingdom, you, or  my duties as a wife or mother until we find a place to live permanently. Father must of all keep my heart pure” Written, July 28, 1999 (text not edited).

At that time our family had just moved from Connecticut to Chicago. We were all in a hotel. In prayer I asked God to help me be optimistic, content regardless of what was going on around me and to be a helper to my husband.

It’s easy for me to want the perfect situation before I choose to have the heart of Jesus. God calls me today just as he did in 1999 to do everything as doing it for the Lord. My agenda may shift and when that happens I can’t use not having time with God as an excuse to be unkind, unloving and selfish. 

“Servants, do what you’re told by your earthly masters. And don’t just do the minimum that will get you by. Do your best. Work from the heart for your real Master, for God, confident that you’ll get paid in full when you come into your inheritance. Keep in mind always that the ultimate Master you’re serving is Christ. The sullen servant who does shoddy work will be held responsible. Being a follower of Jesus doesn’t cover up bad work.” Colossians 3:23-24 MSG. 

Ultimately, I serve Jesus and it should be reflected the most when things don’t go the way I planned.

Thanks for reading, To God be the glory!