It’s Wednesday 4/20. And I am just publishing the keepsake from last week. Last week was a blur and this week is the same pace. Although I wrote these keepsakes beforehand as you already know the origin. It’s takes time for me publish it. My goal was publishing every Friday. I was tempted to skip the one from last week but decided to instead, while currently have a window of opportunity before a meeting with a client I would publish it. Is okay to learn from what you could have done different and adjust your goal when possible before completely giving it up! 

Hope you enjoy this one! 

I thought this would be a good time to remind my readers a few details about the “50 Keepsakes” I am sharing. Each of the keepsakes I write are based on what God puts in my heart. I pull prayers and letters out of a bin full of them that I’ve kept over the years. ; While I’m  reading, I highlight the parts that challenge, move and sometimes even bring me to tears. Then I put them aside until I make space to write about why the parts that I highlighted moved my heart.

On September 29, 2021, after a long day, I grabbed the box of prayers and, with my eyes closed, I pulled a sheet of paper out. I read the prayer, highlighted the encouragement I received from reading it, and went to bed. To understand why this entry had the impact on my heart it did, you must know that ,because I thought I figured out the order of prayers in the box, I strategically placed my hand to where I believed I would pull a prayer that was not from the nineties. I thought that, since this is a gift for me but also for my friends, I don't want it filled with keepsakes from old prayers only. I grabbed it from the top. Yayy! I had picked one from 2011. I went to bed excited to write, the next day, about what I had highlighted in the prayer I wrote.

Although I started with complete surrender, to make this book exactly the way God wanted, I began to take over saying, “this is nice but I would like to see some new thoughts not just thoughts from the nineties.” That’s how I strategically choose the spot to pick from. Old habits die hard. 

I am reminded of Galatians 3:1-6 NIV: “You foolish Galatians! Who has bewitched you? Before your very eyes Jesus Christ was clearly portrayed as crucified. I would like to learn just one thing from you: Did you receive the Spirit by the works of the law, or by believing what you heard? Are you so foolish? After beginning by means of the Spirit, are you now trying to finish by means of the flesh? Have you experienced so much in vain—if it really was in vain? So again I ask, does God give you his Spirit and work miracles among you by the works of the law, or by your believing what you heard? So also Abraham “believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness.” 

The next morning God placed it on my heart to take time and journal a personal reflection for myself on the impact that writing these keepsakes is having in my walk with God.

As I reflected, I thought about the fact that I don’t have many memories or pictures of my older teen years. I do have pages and pages of my “childhood” with God. Reading details of how I felt as I walked with God encouraged me. The authenticity in which I expressed myself was refreshing, sadly it felt somewhat foreing. Maybe, because I kept all those early prayers between myself and God,I felt free to express my thoughts without pretensions or fear of judgment.

Prior to the prayer I read from 2011, I read one written on April 17, 1998. It brought up emotions and you’ll soon see why. Although I had committed to highlighting anything that moved my heart, somehow, I didn't do it this time. In fact, I placed the prayer in the “done reading” pile. I agreed with myself that to write about the emotions that I felt was stupid. God had other plans.

Is easy to commit to surrendering to God, it takes being intentional to continue.

My friend Candice Fathi once told me, when I was going through a difficult time, that my life is like a movie, full of twists and turns. What I am sharing next is like a scene in a movie that was deleted by one of the cast members (me) after the director (God) said not to.

Following is a, excerpt from a prayer written on April 17, 1998:

“Father I think of how much you care for me, in your eyes I’m now one and half years old since the day I was born in your spirit, and like a one and half year old trying to walk, trying to keep their balance, still going to the right and left but always coming back to the middle which helps them keep their balance. I think of the right and left as my challenges and you being the middle. Always bringing me back to keep me from falling. I think of something else that a child this age will do is fall a lot and after falling they cry not knowing quite what happened but still they get up and try the same thing over and over again and even though they keep getting hurt not really knowing what is going on at all, they may get frustrated because all they want to do is walk, maybe run, one thing they don’t do is give up; sometimes the parent is the one removing the child from that situation but if it was up to the child she or he will not give up, but sometimes parents don’t do nothing because they know that’s how you will learn by getting hurt, and I see you that way, allowing me to hurt so at every fall I will get up and try harder till I become an expert in that area. I see how you are giving me a lot of direction and discipline since I don’t know what is going on, I am very curious, very vulnerable. You have placed fear in me so I will not attempt certain things again, there is so much more I want to write but it’s so good to think, if I want to know what you are thinking of me all I gotta do is think of how does a parents think of they one almost two years old and what they say, “He is so cute, but I will train them so they will suffer less than I did”

On September 30, 2021 I wrote I ended what I journal and reflected on and ended with these words:

“ God there was more I wanted to write that even if I had the time I could not convey it like I am now. God thank you for raising me, for being my middle, for helping me get strong so I can walk and even run. I can imagine how you think of me right now as this is how I think of my children over the age of 25. And this is what I hear you saying to me because it’s how I feel about my children in that age range, “I love you sooo much, I realized you have a choice on how you want your life to be. I don’t like all the choices you make, regardless I love you so much and I love that I can be there for you regardless of what you are going through even if I am worn out and tired at times.” 

“Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.” Isaiah 40:28 NIV.

There is one difference that sets God apart from earthly parents, he does not grow weary or weak. Such words bring me comfort in my relationship with my Heavenly Father.