A New Year!

Today, we say goodbye to one year and welcome a new one. It sounds weird, but makes me think of the year I found out I was pregnant for the first time.

I took a home pregnancy test and, after waiting the allotted time, the result was negative. I was disappointed and threw the test in the trash. I really wanted to be pregnant. Yes, I was afraid of what it really meant to be pregnant but, as a 21-year-old who lived in the moment and entered situations in complete ignorance, I didn't care - I just wanted to be pregnant.

I didn't see the negative test as a good thing that allowed me to have more time to prepare myself in knowing what it means to be a mom.  I only saw what I didn't understand and that made me upset.

A few hours later, I heard a little voice say,  "Someone is pregnant."  You see, my young niece had gone to throw something away and saw the test in the trash.  Surprised, those of us who heard her asked what she was talking about, she replied, "The test has two lines.  If someone is not pregnant, it is one line, if they are, there are two."  I can only imagine how many times my niece had seen pregnancy test commercials on television so that she could memorize how the test works.

Yes, the test had two lines.

I remember a feeling of disbelief.  I said, “Maybe that's because it stayed there for a long time.”

We decided to do another test to ease my doubt.  The next morning  I jumped out of bed and used the first morning urine for the test.  Two lines immediately appeared.  I was pregnant, but I still didn't believe it 100% until I had confirmation from a doctor. That's when I got excited.

For nine months I did things to welcome my baby, but I was more focused on him coming than on personally preparing myself for him.  I learned a lot as a new mother.

Three years later with my second pregnancy, I was more concerned with making sure I was prepared. I was okay if the baby took a little longer after his due date.

Preparing to receive my babies and being ready for them to come became very important with each pregnancy. I wanted to make sure I was ready for the gift (my baby) that I was going to receive. 

It's New Years.  Words that brought liberation for years.  Words that mean a new beginning, a blank slate.  Although that's true, it also means something else that I can often forget, but I think I am understanding a bit more.

With every year, I gain a little bit more wisdom.  Whewf!  I can not believe I said that, but it's true.  Each year God prepares me to welcome a New Year with more tools and more knowledge to care for myself and others better than the year before.

Just as after being a mother for the first time, I was aware that there will be many things that I will not be prepared for and will be unexpected in raising my child, it is the same when it is hours to receive the New Year. I have the same feelings. Some fears but mostly excitement to welcome a new chapter of life.

Weeks leading up to the New Year I reflect on things I could have done differently. Over the years God has taught me to also take time to reflect  on the ways I have grown and how he has prepared me to ring in a new year.

Just as each baby prepared me to do better or different things with the next, each year God prepares me for the next.

This year I learned to do something different.  After reading the book “12 Steps to a Spiritual Journey”, in February, I began to write every day about how I felt using the checklist from that book.  My first journal entry reads as follows: “This journal is for taking my morning temperature using the daily check chart from the 12-Step Spiritual Journal. After seeing what my temperature is, I can decide what I need to lower my temperature when my temperature is high."

From that day on,I have done this practice every morning.  Even if I was traveling, I brought my journal with me.  If I forgot it, I would write on a piece of paper and put it in the journal when I returned from my travels. The last time I used the checklist from the book was in August 2021.

By doing this routine for months I learned to recognize how I was feeling without having to go through each area of ​​the checklist to calculate my morning temperature that focuses on 22 areas to examine very quickly and determine how I was feeling in general.  I was able to create my own emotional thermometer chart to use in the mornings.  Each entry began with one of the following statements which I expanded on if needed. 

It was simple:

1- I am burning, I am not doing well at all.

2- I feel that a dark cloud covers me.

3- I feel the above and my thoughts overwhelm me.

4- I just want to cry or I feel grumpy.

5- I feel that something is wrong.

6- I feel good. Specifically in this area…

7- I feel good with some things on my mind.

8- I feel good with more than one or two things on my mind.

9- I don't feel 100% well. I think I know why.

10- The temperature is normal. I feel very good.

After I wrote the list I added that to remember that when I feel at a 10, there is no need to analyze it, just enjoy it. When I am within a 1 to 2 I can have compassion for myself.  Lastly I needed to remember Romans 12: 3 when assessing my morning temperature and be authentic with myself.

Following is share my last entry of the year:

I feel grateful.  I am grateful for everything I learned about myself this year.  I remember how difficult it was when I first wrote: “My temperature is normal. I feel very good.”  It was hard to just enjoy that moment.  God used that to help me understand a little more what it means to rejoice in the Lord.

I didn't know how to enjoy the good times.  I had conditioned myself to rejoice in my circumstances so much that rejoicing in the Lord was a strange thing. Learning to rejoice in the Lord especially when times were good was refreshing. I am not where I want to be but I have grown to enjoy the good times and have patience and compassion for myself and others when times are not so good.

I can't say that I am fully prepared for 2022, but what I can say is that I am ready to welcome it and embrace what it brings.  Living every present moment as God taught me to do in 2021.  I also look forward to the ways 2022 will prepare me for 2023 if God allows me to live until then. 

I don't know the plans for this upcoming year but I know that God is the Father of the year, he will teach me how to meet your needs!

So, Welcome 2022 !!!!

To God be the glory!

“Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he's the one who will keep you on track.”Proverbs 3:5-6 MSG.