When I write, I love to tell the story. Regardless if someone reads it or not, my goal is to not keep it to myself. I trust that someone will, even if it’s one person, and I am ok with that! That’s why I write. However, sometimes I just want to share stories with my friends via phone who I know will hear me and enjoy it with me. I don’t enjoy writing a story just to tell it unless I am journaling for myself. When it comes to writing something that others will read, I ultimately do it hoping that it will encourage someone else, and that’s reason enough for me.

The following story is one that I shared with my friend, and it led to an in-depth fulfilling discussion. At the end of our talk, she challenged me to pray about writing this story. Honestly, when I heard this, I chuckled and said ok in a dismissive tone that communicated, I am not doing that. I found no reason to write this story. I was perfectly ok with just sharing it with her. I didn’t think it was that big of a deal. My friend, who has known me for a long time, said, “I am serious. I think you need to pray about this and write this because it helped me understand something I never considered.” Now, this was different. Most of the time, her role in my life has been to cheer me on in taking leaps of faith God has made clear I should take. Very rarely does she says to pray about doing something, so I didn’t take her words lightly. I did a quick prayer and started writing, but I realized I felt overwhelmed; not because I didn’t think it was something I needed to write (I thought she was making a big deal of nothing); but, I respect my friend, and I figured I have nothing to lose. So I began.

As I began to write, my mind kept going back to my conversation with my friend, and the question she asked at the end of it, “Why is it difficult for us to see the person standing in front of us?” That made me meditate more on our dialogue. So you can understand where the question came from, let me share the story of what happened.

One Saturday morning, my husband and I sat in bed, and we pretended to be on a TV show...actually, let me start over with the actual picture. One Saturday morning, I woke up in one of those goofy moods I can sometimes wake up with. I felt playful, so I looked at my husband and said, “I have a question for you.” For some reason, I wanted to hear him encourage me (now that in itself is a miracle because, in the past, I would feel bad for being vulnerable with what I needed, but God has taught me to be ok to say what I need). Anyway, I asked him to pretend we were on a talk show or something, and the interviewer asked him the following: “You’ve have known Olivia for 28 years, how would you describe her? What can you tell us about it, since you are the one person in this world who sees all of her?” My husband pretended like he took the “microphone” from me and said, “Well Oprah, thank you for having me on your show. How would I describe Olivia... she is like a drop of water that creates a ripple effect the spreads in all directions. But what’s different with her, is that instead of the waves getting weaker and smaller as it moves away from the drop of water, it actually gets bigger and has a wide impact. She is amazing.” The interview responded with, “Wow, you paint such an amazing picture of her, but she may have some flaws, tell us what makes her tick, or angry, tells us about her bad side.” (To be honest, I did the second part because as much as I wanted to be encouraged as I received it, it was hard to just enjoy it). His response to my second question was, “Well Oprah, no one is perfect, but she works and changes the area she needs to, so although I can share it doesn’t matter because she changes it anyway.” So there was no escape; I needed to enjoy the encouragement. It could be because I felt uncomfortable from his encouragement or I was so encouraged that I wanted to encourage him that I said “My turn” and I had him ask me the first question, of which I replied, “Well Oprah, I will like to paint a picture for you. There I was, in a huge forest. I hear a bird with an amazing sound. It brings joy to not just me but to others also, but I can’t see the bird because there is too much vegetation in the way. The music from its mouth becomes louder and sounds amazing, but I still don’t see it. Then I realize that the sound is coming from some very tall grass. I have to fight to get the grass out of the way. When I finally create an opening wide enough to get to the birdsong source, I see that it is coming from a beautiful bluebird. It’s like nothing I have ever seen before. It’s gorgeous, amazing, and I am memorized by its beauty.” As I said this last statement, I went from just looking at my husband’s eyes to looking intensely into my husband’s eyes, basking in how much I love him I feel in love with him, I found myself seeing just him. He felt encouraged, and I felt overjoyed about our silly yet encouraging moment.

Later I went on a walk with my son when I excitedly shared with him our interaction. I told him what dad replied, he was like, “that’s pretty cool. It makes sense.” But when I shared what I’d said, I was puzzled by his response. “I don’t get your answer” he replied. I was like, what do you mean?! He then said, “I thought the question was to describe dad, but you did not. Were you trying to extra?” In shock, I was like “No.” I explained how I was describing that I could not see until I dealt with my own junk. I shared that to describe dad, I had to first share how I got to see him in the first place.
After thinking about my interview response, he said, “But I thought the question was to describe dad.” Once again, I was like, “I did.” He said, “No you didn’t. You talked about the forest and getting the grass out the way, and then you said he was the bluebird…and that’s it.” A little bulb came on. “I got it. I was supposed to describe dad, not talk about me. I needed to spend more time talking about him, and less time describing my journey.” My son then nodded his approval with a slight smile.

As I spoke to my son, I was aware that two things are valid in the stuff I shared with him: I could not see my husband until I deal with my own heart; but it was also true that to describe him, I didn’t need to focus on myself, I needed to focus only on him.

​So, there you have it, that’s what I shared with my friend and after I shared that we spent an hour talking about this idea of really seeing the person in front of us.

As I began to write, I meditated more on the awareness I had just received from my son. I began to think of Adam, the first man, according to God’s word ever created. After created him and then Eve, he describes them as very good (Genesis 1:31). Because I’ve been listening to a podcast (BEMA), it has given me a different way of reading the Bible. It encourages readers to approach the Bible with curiosity, accepting that there is so much we don’t know about God’s mind. Anyway, as I reflected on how God described his creation as good, it made me think about how Adam described Eve. So, I looked it up. I knew he had said she was bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh, so she shall be called woman. Here is what the Bible says:

“Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. “Genesis 2:22-24 NIV

When God created people, he said it is good. When Adam saw Eve, he said she is bone of my bone; she shall be called woman (Genesis 3:23).
God viewed both Adam and Eve as good. God created them for a purpose (Genesis 2:5-15, Genesis 2:18), yet when Adam named Eve, he didn’t focus on her purpose or who created her but on himself. He didn’t focus on who was before him. Adam appears to focus on where Eve came from to name her, instead of who she came from. This makes me wonder: How did he view Eve?

I have always focused on how Eve lured Adam, and that is how sin came, but what if sin was already present, duo to the fact that God created man with the ability to choose. What if, by nature, we can be self-focus? What if Eve just made it visible? Obviously, this is just my own observations as I reflected deeper on my friend’s question, and even though I don’t have the answer to those questions, I am guilty of focusing on myself rather than on who God has placed in front of me at the time.

I realize that I had a hard time writing this piece because I was focused on myself, but once I saw the hearts that will be encouraged by reading this, it was easy.

I believe that God allowed my friend to see the hearts that need to read this, I see them too. The ones who are afraid to rejoice with someone else because they don’t want to be forgotten. The ones who sometimes can’t focus on others because they think there won’t be enough time to focus on themselves. Those who have a hard time telling someone else’s story to bring them honor and glory because they are afraid their own story won’t be told. I see them because that can be me. Even though I worked on this, my son’s interaction made it clear that I still can get off the path of really seeing who is in front of me. I want to say to each of you: Don’t worry, God sees you. Sometimes you have to persevere in believing it, especially if you feel ignored, rejected, or abuse.
I find that even though at times it can be a battle to trust that God sees me, I am grateful to be in the struggle because holding to that truth gives me the freedom to understand others more, and that has radically changed my life and my relationships.

If you wonder what I answered to my friend’s question, here it is: “I don’t know about anyone else, but for me it’s simple: I need to remember that I am on a journey of self-discovery, a journey of loving myself as God commands. But while on this journey, I don’t have to forget that there are people around me, and I can take a moment to focus on them. To see them, to enjoy them, to love them. My journey is not their journey; they have their own journey, and just like me, they need someone to encourage them to not make it about themselves; but to truly see others. So for me, I can tell you that now when I walk by my husband or get a glimpse of him, at times, I say: “Hi my beautiful bluebird” and just like that everything else disappears that moment, the forest around me is gone, and I only see him, and he is beautiful.

I wish I could be like this with everyone in my life, but the truth is sometimes in an interaction, I make it about me. Focusing on the person in front of me takes effort. It takes being intentional; at times, it’s not easy because many factors, including my past, my hurts, my losses, myself, etc., can make it difficult, but it’s so rewarding. When I do, I see an indescribable beauty in their imperfections. So, I pray to not become weary in this area because everyone needs to be seen.