Some days I will feel like I am on a spiritual high; that does not mean every day will be the same. There will be days when I work through a day’s “troubles” with a faithful and great attitude. I would take captive every negative and sinful thought that comes my way. It will be a “good” day! Other days will not follow the same process to victory.  The day would not have gotten started and I would feel like I didn’t even get the opportunity to try to have a good day. Rather it is my circumstances or my depression that kicks in at times, the day will not feel like a “good” day. 

On those days I need to feed myself a little more of God and this was one of those days. So, I decided to read a prayer from the bin which is today’s keepsake that reminds me that regardless of how I feel, I need to have the mindset of doing whatever it takes for the glory of God regardless of how I feel.

Excerpts from my prayer on June 3, 1997. 

“Dear God, good morning, this day I have decided to write to you because I was trying to pray but I kept falling asleep, I need to have a good prayer time…. Even though I do not deserve your love or calling, my attitude when I became a disciple was to “repay” you… Please God don’t let me get so distracted that I forget Jesus' sacrifice… Your kingdom is within me. I am sorry that the scriptures that once kept me fired up have become an antique furniture in my heart… The Bible tells me that unless I imitate the characteristics of a child I can’t enter your kingdom, I have been imitating the winning of a child which is not what you want me to imitate… Thank you for rebuking me.. God I love your discipline. It refines me, convicts me, makes me happy, exposes my sins, allows me to change and grow for the better. I am not even sleepy anymore… God I finally pray for your kingdom to advance and you will use me, a sinner, to be part of that move… I need your kingdom. God, when you are in my heart, I am a totally different person… Help me to keep you in my heart no matter what it takes.” 

I am so grateful for the reminder that sometimes following God will feel like floating in water, other times it will feel like I am fighting against the waves. Either way, if I do whatever it takes I can reach the end of the night confident that I focused on Jesus, who helped me follow the scriptures and motivated me to do what is right and repent when I need to. And if the opposite happens and I did not do very well, then I can rest in the grace, mercy and love of God.

God is faithful and he does whatever it takes to melt my heart, even if it means taking me back to remembering my attitude of doing whatever it takes when I was a baby christian.

Thank you for reading. 

“The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.” 2 Peter 3:9 NIV

“What shall I return to the Lord for all his goodness to me? I will lift up the cup of salvation and call on the name of the Lord. I will fulfill my vows to the Lord in the presence of all his people.” Psalm 116: 12-14 NIV.