Keepsake #48

“I need to remember there is no shame in running, it’s worse to stay and be corrupted.” Written April 25, 2019. I don’t know when I learned this but I am glad I did. It helps me to protect my heart from things that are not healthy for my soul to be more like Jesus. 

In my almost 50 years of life, the most difficult thing to do when faced with certain temptations in my life is to run. 

A friend texted me. She struggles with believing the best in a particular relationship in her life. Her feelings were hurt, and although there was an apology she was having a difficult time shaking it off. I wasn’t able to have a dialogue but agreed to text her some questions later. My hope by doing that was that hopefully she could figure out why she is stuck. 

I continued with my day. I was planning to buy some Panera Autumn Squash Soup, which I love, for lunch after I was done with calls. 

A friend and I wanted to connect on an issue, since she called as she had a chance I took the call. I decided to walk Peace while talking and go to Panera afterwards. If Peace (my dog) could talk, he would tell you about all the deep conversations I have while walking him. After I got off the phone, I felt super insecure. We have different views on a situation, she was at peace with it but I felt like maybe I need to reconsider my view. The situation we were discussing has no wrong or right answer. This is a new relationship in my life. I felt bad at the thought that my view might have offended her. I knew I was projecting. Her phone was dying so we got off the call. 

I got back to texting my other friend the questions I said I would ask her. As we communicated she said, “I just don’t know why I am having a hard time moving on from this offense against me.” I was getting ready to reply when my son walked downstairs and asked, “Mom, are you still going to Panera to get soup?” In a melancholic tone I replied, “I am not sure.” He did not know I was trying to stop ruminating and shake off the insecurity I had from the conversation earlier.  He quickly said, “you already are dressed, you are just sitting there, you should just go.” He was right, I was just sitting there. The conversation I had wasn’t going to change, it already happened. I had a choice to say, yep I feel insecure and I know why and move on; or yep I feel insecure and sit and sulk. 

I decided to get up and go get my soup. While driving I called my friend (the one I was texting back and forth). She was not able to talk earlier but was available when I called. She really was having a hard time shaking off how hurt she felt. I was able to share with her why I was in the car and where I was going. I added that sometimes some things are harder to shake off.  Sometimes doing some self-care helps you move forward, so I am going to get some Panera. She replied, “So what I am hearing you say is go get some Panera” and we laughed. She later sent me a picture with her bagel and drink she got from Panera. 

You probably wonder what that has to do with the prayer I quoted earlier. Well, sometimes it’s not always a temptation like pornography or gossiping, sometimes it's okay to run away from the insecurity you feel. For me, I needed to run from my rumination which was leading me to have a one sided conversation that was not helping me. For my friend, she needed to run away from beating herself up because she was still hurt about someone hurting her feelings. 

Sometimes we need a mental run. It is like physically running, it gets the blood pumping and ignites a different energy to get you unstuck!

I truly enjoyed my soup even though I got sick from it, it was nice to stop the ruminating train and move forward. 

“No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13 NIV