“God, I pray for our goal of seeing two women baptized.  Today, I want to sacrifice for those souls of whom I have not yet met. I will fast for them.  Help me God to be strong and not tempted as I fast this month from junk food, sweets and color drinks. Help me to remember that my fast is because I believe that today is the day of salvation” July 9, 1998.

The prayer from which I took the prior excerpt was written in two 8x10 pages filled front and back. I prayed about various things that day. I spent the whole first page thanking God for him, for Jesus being my hero, my confidant, my strength, my protector, and my friend. I confessed my fear of adjusting to moving to Groton, CT and how leaving San Diego was one of the most painful moves I ever did. I asked God to help me give my heart to the Groton church. I prayed for building deep relationships and I confessed my lack of trust and my self-reliance. I prayed to be submissive to God’s plan. In the midst of that, I prayed for souls to be saved. 

I participated in the fast we were asked to do to see two women come to Christ at that time. In spite of everything going on in my life I believed people needed to be saved. 

Reading the prayer from which the excerpt for this keepsake came and other prayers I wrote, I found a theme: in my early years as a Christian, to help a soul know Jesus was more important than any circumstances I was facing. Over the years I noticed a new theme: I am living as someone in fires instead of someone who Jesus helped escape from the flames. 

Please pause and read 1 Corithians 3. 

“If what has been built survives, the builder will receive a reward. If it is burned up, the builder will suffer loss but yet will be saved—even though only as one escaping through the flames.” 1 Corinthians 3;14-15

For twenty five years I have said, “God you're the builder, I am your worker.” In those twenty five years I have experienced a lot of fires in the building process. The way I look at it, it is like the building has not had an opportunity to be completed because, as it looks almost ready, an unexpected fire starts in an area. Repairs must be done which involves a restoration and renewal process. I forget that the fire didn’t destroy the whole building, just parts of it. With that, I can choose to focus on God, enjoying in my life the parts that are not damaged and patiently waiting on repairs for the parts that were. 

I remember when my ten year old cousin was burned in a tragic accident at my childhood home, I can never erase the memory of seeing him trying to escape the fire. I remember every detail. Especially the painful cry for help. My cousin died. Although he had escaped from the fire,  the damage was so severe that his physical body was not saved. When I became a disciple and years later and faced that painful experience, I reached a place where I believe God saved him that day because he took my cousin to be with him. 

I think about  how every time I escaped the fires of life, I needed to realize that  if God saved me physically, it’s for a reason. He has already saved my soul, even though I can at times wrestle with that thought. He saves me physically from the fires so I can be a voice to others and let them know that there is a way out of the fires in their lives. They don’t have to burn up in them. 

“Companions as we are in this work with you, we beg you, please don’t squander one bit of this marvelous life God has given us. God reminds us, I heard your call in the nick of time; The day you needed me, I was there to help. Well, now is the right time to listen, the day to be helped. Don’t put it off; don’t frustrate God’s work by showing up late, throwing a question mark over everything we’re doing. Our work as God’s servants gets validated—or not—in the details. People are watching us as we stay at our post, alertly, unswervingly . . . in hard times, tough times, bad times; when we’re beaten up, jailed, and mobbed; working hard, working late, working without eating; with pure heart, clear head, steady hand; in gentleness, holiness, and honest love; when we’re telling the truth, and when God’s showing his power; when we’re doing our best setting things right; when we’re praised, and when we’re blamed; slandered, and honored; true to our word, though distrusted; ignored by the world, but recognized by God; terrifically alive, though rumored to be dead; beaten within an inch of our lives, but refusing to die; immersed in tears, yet always filled with deep joy; living on handouts, yet enriching many; having nothing, having it all. Dear, dear Corinthians, I can’t tell you how much I long for you to enter this wide-open, spacious life. We didn’t fence you in. The smallness you feel comes from within you. Your lives aren’t small, but you’re living them in a small way. I’m speaking as plainly as I can and with great affection. Open up your lives. Live openly and expansively!” 2 Corinthians 6:2-13 MSG. 

Over time I have lived as if I am still in the fire, not as one who has escaped. That is what leads me to forget that there are souls out there who need help escaping the fires of their lives.

I can’t say I am now going to share about Jesus with everyone I come in contact with from now on. The reality is my fear of not being accepted, or what people think of me has not disappeared and while this fear is still part of my life, I will hold back in preaching the gospel fearlessly. However, today I learned that as I work on that, I can live openly and expansively. God will use my words but he will also use my life to share that Jesus is the Way, the Truth and the Light! (See John 14:6)