“What we are waiting for is not as important as what happens to us while we are waiting. Trust the process.” — Mandy Hale

On March 7, 2023 I shredded ⅓ of the written prayers I had stored in a big plastic big box, which I had been collecting since 1999.  There are still a lot of my letters to God in that bin. As I approached my 50th birthday, God placed on my heart to read over those prayers. To do so, I  challenged myself to read them and write my thoughts. You can read more details in the post I wrote, “Fifty Keepsakes”. 

I read them, wrote the thoughts I had from reading them, and then put them back in the box. I never intended to shred them. My box of prayers has moved with us over the years as my family and I moved cross-country several times. Eventually, I needed more boxes to store the growing number of journals and the loose sheets of paper I had written in. 

There was something about keeping my written prayers and letters to God. I don’t know why I kept them. I just did. Throwing them out just felt wrong. In some of those pages are some of my most intimate thoughts. If you think I have a lot to say, you have no idea.

I don’t know if I am right about my recent thoughts of why I didn’t get rid of them, but it sounds reasonable to me.  See, in those pages are tears that I shed, that no one could see … only God saw them. God also heard the laughter, and saw the despair and hopelessness. There were also times of going through the motions of christianity, times of relief from things that tormented me, pain I felt for myself or others, and messes I got myself into. There were many, many prayer requests. Sins confessed. Comfort received from God’s Word. So many words, so many words. 

When I walked into my room after I published my 50 Keepsake and picked up the box; I don’t know how or why, but I knew I was ready to shred those pages. For some reason I no longer wanted to keep them. As I placed each sheet of paper into the shredder, my eyes teared up but I was smiling at the same time. I knew God heard them, he remembers every one of them. In some of those prayers, He answered yes, some no, and some I am still waiting. I am deeply touched at the thought that He Sees Me and He Hears Me and continues to do so. 

My husband heard the shredding, he asked what I was shredding. He was surprised that the machine kept going. He sounded a bit concerned, LOL! I quickly responded that they were prayers and letters from 1999. My son was in the kitchen when he asked.

Once I was done, my son asked me why I had done that. He thought they would be something that I would want to keep.  With a smile I responded, “I know God heard all those prayers and that makes me happy, I don’t need to keep them.” I don’t remember exactly what he responded, but he did have a puzzled look. It doesn’t matter, uttering those words out of my mouth gave me an indescribable feeling. Knowing my son, he probably moved on and didn’t give it a second thought; but for me, it felt so good because I believe what I said and I trust when I am in doubt, God will remind me. He is listening.

“You keep track of all my sorrows.  You have collected all my tears in your bottle.  You have recorded each one in your book.” Psalm 56:8 NLT

“In the morning, LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly.” Psalm 5:3 NIV