Keepsake #32

“God, I know that lately I have not given you my best and it’s obvious because I’m less peaceful and my sinful nature tries to take over… Sometimes I feel spiritually tired.” Written September 9, 2003.

Reading the entire prayer from which I took the excerpt you read, it’s clear I was feeling a lot of negative and self-defeating thoughts. Ifelt spiritually tired and weary. I was not giving my best to God. 

During this time, my boys were young. They had not yet entered their teen years. My husband was deployed several times during this season of our lives. So I was navigating a lot. 

Galatians 6:9 says: “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” This scripture doesn’t say let us not be tired, it says, let us not become tired. I have a choice, I can choose to not become weary. 

I need to remember I can do so much through Christ regardless of how I feel or who I am. All I need to do is choose Him. 

My friend, Marcia, is an amazing gardener. She could teach a class on how to have the most amazing garden and how to grow delicious vegetables. She wasn’t always like that. In fact she shared with me that she was really bad at it. How did she go from killing plants to giving them life? She chose to become a plant giver instead of a plant killer. 

I am sure the transformation process wasn’t always easy. She probably killed many plants in the process, however her perseverance and choosing to not become weary produced amazing results. Beautiful plants that are thriving and growing.

When someone gives me a plant, I usually say, “I sure hope I don’t kill it”. I would like to say I’ll keep it alive. The truth is I can’t because I am not willing to persevere in becoming the best plant owner possible. After several months (weeks in some cases), I become weary of caring for a plant.

While living in Washington State, I kept a plant alive for more than a year. I named it Bob. Bob was gifted to me with the assurance that I could not kill Bob. They added; “It's easy to care for.” I took such good care of Bob. It grew healthy and beautiful. When friends came over to visit, they were amazed to see Bob green and growing . They knew my green thumb was lacking skills. When Bob was sick, meaning his leaves didn’t look too good, I got worried. I actually talked to Bob asking it to hang in there. Looking  back, it was pretty funny,  but people said it would work, so I tried it. I was quick to call friends and asked for help. I learned that at times I was watering it too much or I had to change where he was because the sun moved. 

Bob became so popular that when friends came to visit they made sure to greet Bob. I became what I needed to do my part in keeping Bob alive.  When my family and I moved, Bob moved with us, I wasn’t going to leave him behind. But sadly, Bob didn’t make it. I had never been so sad about getting rid of a plant before like the day I disposed of Bob. After Bob, I tried to keep other plants alive but after a few months, I was done putting in the work. I was not committed to becoming a “green thumb”. It's something I would like but not so much as to put in the work. The community that believed I could keep Bob alive was cheering me on, I believe that contributed to me persevering. That is a whole other lesson.

To not become weary of doing good takes commitment and community. That’s why I felt tired spiritually. I had stopped giving my best to God and stopped reaching out for help. 

God committed to becoming what he needed so I can stay faithful. There are areas of my life that I either feel tired or frozen. Regardless, I can choose to be transformed. I can continue to choose to not become weary of doing the good God wants me to do. With that in mind I can be confident that at the proper time God will bless it. 

Thanks for reading!