A heart to give.

Giving… how much is too much and how little is too little?

My dad is constantly asking for stuff for himself and for other people. I think he believes he there an unlimited amount of money. I have to remind him that neither his bank account or mine has unlimited funds.

He LOVE teddy bears. Every time I visit him, I bring him one. I get super excited to see his face when he sees the teddy bear.

During this visit, since it’s the holiday season, he wanted to buy gifts for everyone. I reminded him that he had $200 to spend on gifts. He can’t freely go places, so he dictates me a list and I went with my uncle to shop for him.

“A spoon for each of the cooks, 3 toys for the lady with three kids, a box of Christmas cards for various people. He asked to place $5 in a card for each them.” As the money was running out he said, $2 will do. He had to budget the things he also wanted me to buy for him.

“Two bottles of cider for us to share on Christmas. Authentic Panamanian peppermint for my grandchildren."

As we went over the list I mentioned someone that I thought he forgot.

"Dad what about…?"

"I already gave a gift."

"What did you give?"

"The white teddy bear."

"Dad, I gave you that teddy bear."

"Okay."

"What about…?"

"I gave them a teddy bear, I gave them away."

Feeling hurt and upset "Why dad?"

"Because it will make them happy and bring them comfort." Well now I am convicted.

Later. "Olivia, can you give me a dollar?"

"Dad, what happened to the dollars these family sent?"

"I gave it away."

"All the dollars?"

"Yes." This time I didn’t ask why.

As I reflected on this morning, I realized that the reason I was upset was because all of sudden, I focused on when others told me when I visit my dad, “Don’t give him stuff. He will give it away." I stopped focusing on the desire of his heart to generous.

Sometimes I put limits on my giving, I know we need to be wise and discerning, regadles when my heart is to give all I can, I trust God got me, and will teach me discernment (James 1:5) I need as I give.

As I focus on Christmas I want to remember that Jesus NEVER said, I will give this much only. He surrendered to giving all.

My dad at times is selfish. He asks and asks for things for himself, but I love how once he is redirected (many times for the same thing) he says, “never mind I am okay, just get me these two things. A cheap necklace and a ring. He got it.

Back to the start: “Why did you give away the teddy bears dad?” “Because it will bring them a smile and comfort."

I could not help but think of Jesus, he gave it all for me. For the joy set before him. My salvation.

“…fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:2

Jesus was focused on giving to me, that brings me comfort and puts a smile on my face.

This Christmas season I want to focus on having a heart that is willing to give my all, even if I technically can’t.

P.S. For this visit, I brought him a BIG teddy bear. If he gives this one away, whoever he gives it away to will be very, very happy.