Keepsake #20.

“Thank you God for giving value to my life. God I love you; and even though things get hard, one thing I pledge is that I will never leave you; I just pray for your guidance and your spirit to watch over me. God you are my strength, I can't wait to one day get to heaven and meet Jesus and You; I can’t wait for you to tell me like you told Thomas in John 20:21-22 “Olivia put your hands in my hands; feel my face, touch my fingers, it is I.” Even though at times my faith grows weak, the thought of being without you, the thought of not going to heaven, the guilt of what I did to Jesus makes me keep holding on. I pray you will look past my actions of unrighteousness and see the longness in me for you to create in me a pure heart. God help me not become weary of doing your will no matter how hard, unreal or even silly it seems. God I love you and thank you for loving me first, In Jesus name I pray. Amen” Written, December 18, 1998.

I forgot I prayed this toddler years of walking with God often. I tend to forget that I did. God didn’t forget. He remembers my prayers and gives the strength I need to do what he is guiding me to do, no matter how hard, unreal or silly it seems. Following is one of those times.

It all started after attending a Conference hosted by the International Churches of Christ in St. Louis. At that conference I met Julieta Jimenez in person for the first time. Julieta read my book, “Caring for the Child Within”  and was part of a private facebook group I was facilitating. When we met in person it was like we’ve spent time together before. She asked me if we could have some time to connect in the evening. She casually said there was something she wanted to talk to me about. 

We met in the hotel lobby where she with a very excited tone and demeanor asked me to sit down and get comfortable. She then proceeded to share a vision God placed on her heart. 

As she in details shared the vision she had I was shocked. I didn’t say this, but internally I felt like she definitely got the wrong person. I had been the keynote speaker for the traditional women's day that some of our family of churches host yearly. I also was a keynote speaker for a women’s overnight retreat in Nicaragua, that’s a story in itself. However, Julieta was asking me to come up with more than I thought I could do. She was asking me to come up with an entire weekend workshop based on my book. Her vision included this happening in Acapulco where she resides and it will be an international retreat. As far as I know of, there had never in our sister churches been a Spanish Speaking International women's retreat/workshop. 

Without thinking twice about it I replied, “I am sorry, I can’t do that. Thank you for thinking of me but I am not the woman you want.” She was shocked at my response. It was cleared because all the excitement that she had seemed to have vanished within seconds. She said okay but think about it some more, and added that it will be in October 2017. I chuckle. That’s how our talk ended that evening. God continued working on my heart to catch His vision presented to me by Julieta. 

On our way home, I remembered a speech I heard on our way to the St. Louis Conference. I am not a person who gets deep into politics, but fthat speech entered my mind. Hearing that President Obama had spent a year working on his speech for the president-elect blew my mind away. He worked on a speech for a year, a speech to deliver to the U.S people. Remembering that led me to hearing God whisper to me, “Olivia you can’t accept Julieta's proposal if you focus on you, but if you focus on me, I will prepare you.” At that moment I wrote the following text to Julieta. 

“Dear Jimena (her name is Julieta I wrote it wrong in the text), today is 7/31/16 and I am writing this for myself but I want you to read it too. Your idea yesterday filled me with a lot of vision. I do not know what God's plan is for this event but something tells me that it is something great, so much so that something inside me trembles with fear. Not fear to do it but fear of how God is going to use us and what that means. Fear because I know that embarking on this adventure means challenges, sufferings, ignoring the lies of Satan, my insecurity will be even more exposed, things will happened that will challenge my faith. I will need a lot of perseverance and vision. Actually I can say that I do not know if I can do this, but today my friend I decide to accept that I cannot come up with the lessons for this workshop but God can. With God everything is possible as my favorite scripture says in Luke 18:27.  Today I decide to put my trust in Him. As I write I feel very nauseous and filled with little faith in what God can do through me. But today I claim even with the fear Luke 18:27.

The other day I heard that the president of the United States took a year to plan what he was going to share during the elections, and I ask myself if this is what a man does to win the approval of the people, why not me to win God's approval.  I will pray and fast from now on for that message that God wants me to share.

I love you very much”

As I translated what I wrote to Julieta from Spanish to English for this entry, the last sentence placed this scripture on my heart.

“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Galatians 1:10 NIV.

On August 8, 2017 I wrote the following to Julieta: “Amigaaaa!!! termine las clases. Quiero llorar de alegría! Dios es bueno! El título de la clase del Domingo es: Es tiempo de vivir libre en Cristo. ” 

Translation: “Friend!!! I finished the lessons. I want to cry with joy! God is good! The title of Sunday's class is going to be: It's time to live free in Christ. ”

Julieta had envisioned me teaching step by step how I worked through my healing process. 90% of the women in attendance would have already read my book. God did just that. I was able to do a workshop on a step by step process of my emotional healing. 

One of the classes I thought was called, “It’s time to deal with our feelings”. Following are the highlights from that class:

We glamorize 2 Corinthians 10:5, however taking my thoughts captive and making the obedient to Christ is not an easy process for me. In fact if someone tried to take me captive against my will, I would fight. 

When one of my sons was a toddler he struggled with severe tantrums. In order to keep him from hurting himself, I will hold him close to me very firmly while facing him away from me. He will kick, scream, swing his arms in a very volatile way. I will just hold him. Eventually he will calm down and his out of control little body will become like jello in my arms. 

Taking my thoughts, including my distorted thoughts, was similar. They had roamed free in my mind, and constantly threw volatile tantrums. They did not want to be taken captive, especially the ones that were there for years. They had done as they pleased. 

When I decided to take them captive they became more aggressive. 

When we intentionally practice 2 Corinthians 10:5 we should not don’t be surprised if at night we feel exhausted. Holding captive something that is fighting you takes a lot of strength. The kind of strength that only can come from God. Is important to “Capture and Submit” was the conclusion we took from the class. When I do that God gives me the courage do things that will bring him glory, including things I never imagine I would do. “ Luke 18:27! 

That class brought so much healing and transformation to the 400 women that gathered at the Krystal Beach Hotel in Acapulco to take time to care for the child within them. Even though it's been four years since I taught that class, women who attended still share with me how much that class helps them move forward. 

The prayer I started with reminded me that I must take captive those thoughts that prevent me from asking God to help me not become weary in doing his will, no matter how hard, unreal or silly it looks.

To God be the glory! Thank you for reading.

Click here for more pictures of the event.

My friend Julieta and I.