Keepsake #21.
Following is a prayer I wrote on November 15, 1998. The text is slightly edited.
“Dear God, good morning yesterday was truly a convicting day. I went to the physically challenged devotional to support the woman I disciple. I thought I would go there to support her and take some notes to help her but instead I was so convicted and so cut to the heart. The brother spoke about “Perspective”. He asked some very deep questions, and helped me to see how my perspective changes the way things go. It is like the scripture says, You are the light of the world. How you see things, that's how my attitude will be. I saw how a lot of times my perspective isn't the best so my attitude stinks.
This brother also asked some questions that I need to ask myself more often. I want to take time to answer some of those questions.
God, Father first he asked: “Had I not become a christian, where would my life be?”
Father, you know I often ask myself that, never to gain perspective; but just because it helps me see where I don’t want to go back. If I had not become a disciple, my life would be nothing at all. I can not express myself with words but I will try. Had I not become a christian, there will be no hope in my life, for my children, for my marriage. My marriage will be a fake, never calling each other higher, always holding onto feelings, talking but not resolving. If I had not become a christian, my marriage would never be what it is today, real. Although it takes time to get used to it, I love it and I love the way it has grown in the past two and a half years. Cory and I have bumps, something we rarely had before, we have them now because we want to bring out the best in each other, we want each other to be our best for you my God. I love the man you gave me and I know our marriage will last till you take us apart because you are not just there but you are part of our lives. It’s awesome to know that the thing that holds our marriage together is not a paper we signed six years ago but, you and only you holding us together”
How refreshing it is to read this prayer. It is funny because as I think back at that time, I was answering as a chirstian toddler. I was happy. Even in the challenges I saw God working. Becoming a christian was not about having a perfect life but living a repentant life. Regardless of how challenging and exhausting it was, I loved it.
Twenty four years later I ask myself the same question, had I not become a christian where would my life be? My answer: My life will be unstable because I won’t know how to center myself in the chaos of life. I am thankful God holds my hand and it’s with me every step of the way.
“I will be your God throughout your lifetime until your hair is white with age. I made you, and I will care for you. I will carry you along and save you. “ Isaiah 46:4 NLT.
Thank you for reading. God bless you.