Memories.

Haven’t blogged in a while so here we go… Last time I wrote something was on August 24th 2023. I wrote about surprising my dad for his 79th birthday. He is no longer physically with me and that memory is one I will treasure forever. I miss my dad so much. I miss his physical presence. 

I sat down planning to write about my dog, Peace, and how I worked on overcoming my fear of dogs, but instead, after looking at my last blog I am compelled  to write about the importance of creating memories. 

I can already see that this blog is not going to be what I thought, but I will write authentically as things come to my mind. 

I am not good at thinking of building memories. I have to be intentional in that. In fact in my prayer journal I have prayers like: “I pray to say ‘yes’ to opportunities to build fun and enjoyable memories, even if I feel uncomfortable at first” or “I pray to build three special memories with my hubby and kids.” We already did one by taking a trip to CT to visit my mom for Mother’s Day weekend. 

 I work really hard to not be defined by the painful memories of my past. This year I believe God has placed in my heart that I also should work hard at building memories that will last forever in a good way. Build memories that, when I look back on them, bring a smile to my face. 

It’s already June, and as I think of the memories I have so far, I am filled with mixed emotions. In January, I spread my dad's ashes in the ocean. My dad wanted to be cremated and have his ashes sprinkled on his mothers grave. We couldn’t do that because it was illegal and I wasn’t going to risk getting arrested in Panama. So I decided to go to the ocean. 

My dad loved the beach. He wanted to go there as much as possible, but hadn’t in a couple of years because of his declining mobility.  That last time we planned to go during one of my trips, we had to cancel due to the weather.  Sprinkling his ashes in the ocean was special. 

About a month after my dad passed, I lost an aunt who I was very close to. This was so unexpected. As I went to the funeral I thought of the memory I will build as I remember my aunt. 

I have also built some fun memories this year, but I shared these because I am learning that even during the hardest times, focusing on building memories has helped me so much. 

As I have experienced losses and seen people near me experience losses, I am learning to make time to build other memories. 

The other day my hubby and son invited me to watch them participate in a race during which they had to carry a heavy kettlebell for a mile.  It was scheduled for early in the morning and I was tempted to say no because I hadn't been sleeping well, but I went. Not only did I go,  but I decided to walk alongside them to video them, take pictures, and cheer them on. It was so much fun and is now a memory I will have to treasure. 

I used to have a huge fear of dogs (which is what I originally was going to write about). I got myself my dog, Peace, as a birthday gift. Peace is now 11 and it dawned on me that he is getting old. I wanted to build a memory with him, so I asked my friend to do a photo session for us. I am so grateful to now have cute photos of us. It makes me appreciate Peace more. 

At the beginning of the year, I started to write what I considered “big” highs and lows of every month. My hope is to look back at the end of the year and savor the good times and thank God for getting me through the hard ones. 

Here are some highlights from the last five months. 

January: 

My son Raul and his wife celebrated one year of marriage. My dad passed away. Hubby and I traveled to Panamá to handle all the funeral details. After much tears I decided to view my dad's body in the casket. We sprinkled my dad's ashes at the beach. We rented a van to travel as a family for Christmas to CT. I stayed committed to publishing my YouTube weekly stories. I was part of seeing a new soul make Jesus Lord.

February:

I taught a class at a retreat in PA for foster and adoptive moms. Hubby and Gabriel came to PA and while I was at the retreat during the day they had father son time. Went to a marriage retreat in Williamsburg with my church where I announced the first Spanish speaking women’s event for my family of churches in our area. Pre-recorded my stories for February early. Had a good talk with hubby on some personal marriage stuff as we continue to learn more about each other prompted from one of the classes the marriage retreat. 

March:

Spoke at the Spanish speaking women’s service I organized (110 women in attendance). Had dinner to celebrate my birthday with my close friends Autumn and Julie. Had a text date with Tamara for my birthday which was fun (through the day I text what I was doing). I was the guest speaker for my church women’s service. Had a picnic dinner at Algonkian Park with hubby. My Tia Martina passed away. Went to my Tia Martina celebration of life with hubby, Cory Jr and Gabe. Went away to an Airbnb in Reston to have a night away to recalibrate myself. For Easter as a family we ended up having a nice chat about good and bad church experiences. Alicia Idowu took me to a store I wanted to go to where I got fitted for a good bra. Got a spa foot massage at Pure Joy massage, she did extra things to make it special. Tamara came to my side of town to have lunch with me to celebrate my birthday. 

April:

Had dinner with Henry and Suyapa to thank them for helping us with some things. Celebrated 32 years of marriage. Facilitated a three hours follow-up workshop from my lesson at the women’s service. Began a new form of therapy to work on some trauma called EMDR. Proud of myself for going to a friend's party even though I felt emotionally depleted. Autumn came over to my house and spent the day with me. Met Joe's girlfriend. 

May:

Completed a Bible study series with a friend. Successfully transitioned a client to receive care for her needs to be met. Had a family road trip to CT to celebrate Mother’s Day weekend. Met Jas boyfriend in person. Walked on Ocean beach while in CT with my family. Played Mexican train as a family successfully for the first time (we tried before but weren’t following the rules correctly 🤣). Traveled to speak and encourage my sister church in Nicaragua. Went to encourage hubby and CJ at their gym event competition. Went painting to celebrate Alicia Idowu birthday. Deb came over and took pictures of Peace and I and we then just sat and connected (We hadn’t done that since she started her chemo so I savored our time). 

So this blog is not even close to what I was planning on writing but I am glad it wasn’t. This one is what I needed. I am filled with joy to think of how this year there will be light at the end of each tunnel, rainbows that surprisingly brighten my day and moments that will become a memory.