Back to writing
“I get it.” I said to my Life Coach. “I don't want to accept the truth for what it is, because if I do there is pain involved and I rather not feel.”
I haven’t written in a while and don’t know where to start… but I want to before the year ends. I love to write, but I haven’t consistently done it the past couple of years, I haven’t done it much. Grief is interesting. It disorients me, and the difficult part is that I have no idea how long that would last. I have experienced some losses recently: loss of loved ones, loss of relationships, and loss of dreams. It's pretty depressing but there is something I must do to move forward, I must accept the reality of those losses.
Although I have so much to be grateful for and so much good that has happened, somehow it’s the losses that keep coming back to me. Maybe it could be that as I have felt the pressure of the loss become lighter, another takes its place and the unclosed wounds of the old one reopen, leaving me vulnerable and a bit fragile.
At the beginning of the year I decided to journal the highs and lows I experienced in each month. I thought I had been doing well and jotted down the lows (or difficult circumstances), even the painful ones. But in November, I experienced a low from a more painful situation and I didn’t want to write about it. So, I decided to look at my earlier entries. I noticed that I hadn’t written any lows since May, even though the lows happened. I just didn’t write them down. It's like I didn’t want to acknowledge them. Now I see why I had so many tears, and why perhaps something that made me sad was more intensely felt: I didn’t give myself permission to be sad, to grieve, to mourn. I fought it. I am grateful for coaching and therapy, because in those spaces I was able to deal with stuff I naturally ignored.
I learned much about myself this year: I love to give to others, I love to be joyful, and I don’t always handle grief well.
My son told me as I was sharing with him about an ongoing situation that was robbing me of my peace, “Mom, you have lived for a bit over a half century; who knows how much longer you have to go. You should spend your energy on the things that bring you joy.” I laughed at his comment but I must confess that I was a bit convicted. So true. Writing brings me joy. Knowing that what I share encourages others brings me joy, so I want to pick up writing again.
I love writing the lessons I learn in the highs and lows of life. I had not done much of that.
I started writing in a journal last year. My goal was to share some devotionals I wrote in 2023 in 2024, but I didn’t get around to it. Life happened. I am looking forward to writing again about devotionals from the journal I mentioned or new stuff that comes up. To start I will share the intro I wrote in the journal I mentioned.
Intro written April, 2023
“Our bodies need solid meals to thrive. Spiritually I look at “solid meals" as my Bible time. It’s the time that grounds me for the day. The body can also benefit from vitamins, supplements like fish oil, vitamin C, and multivitamins. I look at devotionals, self-help books and other resources to help me grow as supplements. I will be okay if I don’t take the extra supplements, but when I do it makes a difference. I will be okay if I just read my Bible but other resources help me understand things better, it enhances my spiritual walk.”
I never finished the intro I was working on. Life happened. But that is okay. I am grateful and smiling as I think of picking up writing again. Rather it is one person that reads what I share or zero. I know this brings me joy and why not do something that brings me joy and can possibly be a supplement/encouragement for others.
Whatever I share I hope that whoever reads it will be encouraged in some way and be willing to share how it encourages you. I am looking forward to welcoming 2025 doing something I love.
“Adversity has the effect of eliciting talents which in prosperous circumstances would have lain dormant.” Horace