Keepsakes #2
“I want to be able to say in my last days to someone and really mean it, with God all things are possible, look at me. I want my life to give others faith and hope and bring glory to you (God)” These were the closing thoughts to a prayer I wrote on August 13, 2009.
The background story: We were moving to my husband's duty station, Washington State. One of the things that concerned me about moving was having to drive. I struggle with driving on highways or to a location I never have driven to before. During therapy I became aware the unknown can produce severe anxiety from past traumas and driving creates many opportunities for unknown, God continues to teach to not be crippled by the unknown, instead to focus on what I can do with him and this was one of those moments.
Church was going to be 45 minutes away and that included a highway I could not avoid. I remember when I first saw the bridge I would have to drive to get to church, the Tacoma Narrows Bridge.
Without saying a word, I made a plan to find a place to worship closer to where we would be living. I love my worldwide church family (the ICOC family of churches) but my fear was leading me to believe that being part of that fellowship of churches had come to an end because I would not be able to drive across the bridge. Since my husband and I became disciples and members of the ICOC, we made sure to place membership with a sister church close to us.
Back to the prayer…
It was refreshing to read how I lifted my fear to God in prayer. In those pages I was raw and real about how I felt. As I poured my heart out, something happened, my focus took a turn. I began to focus on all the ways God has helped me. The next two pages of the prayer were filled with all that he had walked me through, including difficulties I faced. God helped me to see that there is so much he could do in spite of my limitations.
I apologized and repented for not believing God would get me over that hurdle. I ended that prayer not knowing how I would make it to church when my husband was gone to sea but I chose to put my trust in God.
A spark ignited in me and I began taking small steps to see if I could drive myself consistently to church. I started slowly. During the week I would drive as far as I could without going over the anxiety meter so much that I felt unsafe. One day I was able to drive all the way back and forth. One Sunday, when my husband had to work, I asked one of my friends that attend the church regularly to sit in the passenger seat while I drove us to church. Eventually I managed to drive my children and myself to church when I needed to.
Finding a different church family to belong to was not the issue, it was a roadblock that prevented me from facing my fear and giving God an opportunity to show me the plan He had.
Remembering that experience reminds me that when I am totally vulnerable, starting with God first and then with others, God works miracles. I go from being fearful to faithful. That is a keepsake I need to keep near my heart for years to come.
“Help me (God) to not fear your dreams for me, but to embrace them. I need you; I don’t want to stay in a shell. Perhaps this is why I am here, this is right where you want me to acknowledge and never forget my need for you. God, what I ask of you is to teach me that, it is you who gives me the strength so I can walk with you. This is a new journey. Help me to walk it with humility and confidence in you.” ( More words from the prayer I wrote on, August 13, 2009)
Any journey walked with God is possible. I am so excited to continue to reflect on other impossibilities made possible since I became a follower of Jesus. I believe that this would build my faith, I hope it does yours also!
Jesus replied, “What is impossible with man is possible with God” Luke 18:27 NIV.